Journal Entry 1 - The Hallway

Journal Entry 1

It's been a few years since I actively created soap with soap dough and loads of imagination. I wonder at this experience that lasted 11 solid years. For the last few years I've been in a hallway of indecision. During that time I've written 6 books. That seems a lot, but the ideas flooded me and the only way to contain them, or address these ideas and stories was to write them down.

And, then share these stories.

My goal in the last few years has been to mitigate my stress. The pressure to create more, start a new business and continue has been excessive. Yet the old model: create the idea, photograph that idea, make a video of the idea, write posts and share all was untenable. The self imposed pressure I felt was unbearable and soul sucking. 

Each creation I posted I saw others take that idea and claim it as their own, until one day my entire website was copied. That straw broke my desire and woke me up. I saw how the machine consumed all it was fed. Why wouldn't it? I gave and it took. 

I do not know how to navigate this entity. It is like any organism, if I see one manifestation there are many unseen, much like mushrooms. I am part of this fungi system.

In order to connect, as my art is driven by the desire to connect with others, I have begun creating things of a different temporary nature. Paper art mailed directly. This endeavor is more akin to creating an experience, temporary yet slightly repeatable. Not electronic images, or emails of the aether kind. Hand painted art work I mail, to those who accept it. These pieces of art are easily kept, as they don't take up much space, and worthy of revisiting in the future.

Even though I do not receive feedback I sense these missives land with souled creatures otherwise known as real humans. That is possibly more to the point, connecting with those who take direction from their own soul first.

Leaving this here for documentation of my creations.